DR. FUNK, I Presume? San Jose Goes Stark-Raving Tiki!

The fates have been unkind to me lately. Just when a plethora of new tiki bars are opening around my native state of California, I moved to the (currently sub-freezing) wilds of Washington. I did so to be near family, in case I need help with the neuro-muscular disease I’ve been dealing with for the last two years. But the fates did throw me a bone. Because my referral from Stanford to the University of Washington has not gone through yet, I got to return to Stanford for more testing recently. Stanford is just up the road a piece from San Jose. Oh yes! That means I had a chance to get my funk on and tiki it up at Dr. Funk, one of the newest tiki spots on the map.

It was a chilly Wednesday evening when I made the visit. My friend Erich was with me and my former co-worker Miriam would be joining us later. It would be Miriam’s first tiki experience. I hoped it would be a good one.

When we first walked up to it, I was delighted by what I saw. Although it was too cold to sit outside, it looked as though Dr. Funk was anticipating treating its patients, er… guests outside during the balmier months ahead. The patio looked as if it is roomy enough to accommodate quite the crowd. Nice.

But it’s the inside of any tiki bar where the real magic happens. The inside did not disappoint. There was great attention to detail in just about every available inch of wall space. (I especially loved how Dr. Funk’s little black medical bag was sitting on a ledge just above the main door, as if the doctor had arrived to join the party—or was ready at a moment’s notice should he be called away.)

The hanging lamps were perfect. The hut booths were nicely done. Did we have a reservation? No. We really had no idea what time we were going to arrive or even if we’d really make it there, so we hadn’t made one.

Fortunately it was not too busy. We could sit at the bar or we could sit at one of the tables in the middle of the room. The bar looked nice and I was curious about its interesting ceiling, but chose a table because Miriam was coming. A table would be more conducive to talking instead of just sitting at the bar.

Once seated, we took a gander at the menu. It is a mix of classics and new (or, at least, new to me) offerings. There was an alcohol level key, so you could gauge how much tippling you could do before you toppled. There was even a page devoted to the colorful biography of Dr. Funk himself. I initially thought it was all hokum, made up for the bar’s back story. A German-born doctor from the late 1800s who dispensed medicine as well as cocktails (and sometimes dispensed cocktails as medicine) in Samoa and was Treasure Island author Robert Luis Stevenson’s bedside doctor when he died? It had to be a tall tale, right? Nope! I looked it up later and was stunned to see that the bar was named after a real medical mixologist.

After we ordered, I managed to remember to text Miriam and tell her that we had arrived. Even though Miriam was currently working at Stanford as a travel nurse, she had gone all of the way back to Fresno for a hair appointment and was running late. That meant that I definitely had time to run and empty my bladder to make room for a cocktail or two before she got there. On the way back, I snapped some more pictures.

When I returned to the table, I found that our drinks had arrived. Mmm. The namesake Dr. Funk (left) was tart and tasty. Erich opted for a Shipwreck. Both were nicely presented.

While we sucked down our drinks, the view from the central table afforded us great views of the detailed decor of the place, such as Dr. Funk’s lab/distillery — appropriately set up over the bar area.

By the time our second round arrived (I had the Mai Tai on the left which was impeccable. Erich had a classic Fogcutter on the right that was also very well done.), as excited as I was to be at this new place, something just wasn’t right. This bar had everything going for it. The drinks were on point and perfect. The music was appropriate. The decor was fantastic. What was the problem? I couldn’t put my finger on it.

I leaned over and asked Erich what he thought. He, too, wasn’t catching the vibe. The hut booths looked inviting and the bar seemed cozy. Where we were, at the plain tables in the middle of a very high-ceilinged room, totally lacked any semblance of intimacy. Yes, not unlike the Bermuda Triangle, we found ourselves trapped in the vibe-deprived Dr. Funk Rectangle! With Miriam due (eventually…), I asked the hostess/waitress if it were possible to make a verbal reservation for a booth for later in the evening. By the time we were finishing up our drinks, she told us we could move to the corner booth if we’d like. It was the largest booth in the place. Yowza!

To “break in” the booth while we waited for Miriam (who was almost there. Really!), I tried the mango-licious Siren’s Song. Erich went with another classic, a Missionary’s Downfall.

Being in the booth definitely helped to enrich our experience. Anyone wanting to check out Dr. Funk would be wise to make a reservation to avoid being shipwrecked in the no man’s land of the center tables. But the drinks were swell, regardless of where we were.

I didn’t really pay attention to the bartenders, but this woman–our waitress–was really on the go. She kept things moving at all of the tables and acted as hostess at the door as well. Amazing!

Miriam arrived safely. It was great to see her. It had been a couple of years and I am so proud of her becoming a nurse. She and I opted for Missionary’s Downfalls. Erich chose the funky purple Dead Man’s Isle. Oooo!

Finally, the night was winding down. We had been there for hours and Miriam was tired from her long drive. We had one last round of Dead Man’s Isles (coconutty bliss!) before calling it a night.

It had been great to see Miriam. As proud as I am of her nursing career, I was also pleased that I got to be the one to introduce her to her first tiki experience.

Dr. Funk may not have cured my neuro-muscular disease, but a visit to his bar was just what the doctor ordered.

Dr. Funk
29 N San Pedro Street
San Jose, CA 95110
https://drfunksj.com/