The KON-TIKI  Finally…and Meeting the Oakhana!

I was back in the Bay Area to spend the winter and was hoping to meet up with Kevin (Ultimate Mai-Tai) Crossman again. We’d communicated a bit back and forth, but nothing seemed like it was going to work out for us until after the holidays. So be it. 

He had gotten me to join Oakhana, the Oakland Tiki Ohana on Facebook. Although I don’t live in Oakland, I am a native of the East Bay, having been born in Concord. I have lived in Pittsburgh (as an infant), San Jose (as a child), and in San Leandro briefly (as an adult). I frequently visit San Leandro, which is where I had been staying this trip. It’s not Oakland, but…

The Oakhana was having a holiday meet up this past Wednesday night at Kon-Tiki. Kevin was going to that. Great! Going would enable me to see Kevin again—but also let me fully experience Kon-Tiki. I had been to the bar before a couple of times. (The first visit had been brief. It was not long after it opened. I had been with friends then. I had been too engaged in chatting and catching up with them to really take in the bar. I didn’t even bother to take pictures. The next time I attempted a visit was years later. However, on that night, I found myself walking into something else… Chuntikis had taken over for the night, offering a unique—but decidedly not typical—evening at the bar.) I really needed to give the place a proper visit.

It wasn’t until I had just sat down on BART and was heading towards downtown Oakland, that I saw Kevin’s message. He would be unable to attend that evening. Hmm. I could have gotten off and gone back home, but I still needed to see the bar. I didn’t really know anyone else in the Oakhana group. (I had briefly met Woody Miller once and his wife Laura on another occasion, months earlier. Talking to Laura had inspired the first article I had written for EXOTICA MODERNE—and both she and Woody had graciously helped me with it, via email. I certainly didn’t think either would remember what I looked like though.) I just thought I’d slide in early under the radar, sit at the end of the bar, and give the place a good looking over.

That’s exactly what I did. I found myself a spot at the very edge of the bar. The place was decorated for Christmas—albeit “Gremlins”-style. There were several Gremlin cutouts from the movie hanging from the bar and Gizmo was sitting in a car right in front of me. An unconventional Christmas, but Christmas none the less. (I had completely forgotten that “Gremlins” took place at Christmas.

As I sat, someone handed me some menus. One was holiday drink specials that were on sale during happy hour from 5 – 7 p.m. Swell! I would have one of those. I started with a Gizmo’s Hot Buttered Rum. I also ordered a chicken sandwich for dinner. The bartender (who I later learned was also the general manager, Carlos) got my drink ready right away and served it up. Mmm. That was actually quite nice. I’d only had hot buttered rums a few times (the last being maybe 10 years ago or so). It was reminiscent of hot cocoa, but different and delicious.

As I sipped my drink, I took a look around. I had been in the space four times now (the first being when it was briefly a bar called Longitude). It had essentially remained the same (with the exception of some nice flourishes added, such as the thatch-covering over the bar, when it became Kon-Tiki). There are three hut-like booths on one side and a larger, communal hut-like structure on the other. The bar is in the center and looks over the place. 

My sandwich arrived, but my Hot Buttered Rum was gone. I thought I’d try the next drink on the holiday menu, the Noche Buena Ponche. It could be served hot or cold. Oh dear… I asked Carlos which way her preferred it. That’s when I learned that he had not only created the drink, he’d come up with the recipe for the bar’s take on Hot Buttered Rum as well. He said he’d designed the Noche Buena Ponche to be served either way. I ordered one and told him to surprise me in the way he served it. 

My Noche Buena Ponche came hot. I don’t know what I was expecting, but it was different. It tasted like the holidays, with a mixture of tropical fruits, citrus, and spices. Kind of like a mulled cider…and with a choice of rum, tequila, or mezcal. I stuck with rum. It was good, but I wished I’d had it before the sweeter Hot Buttered Rum. 

The grilled chicken sandwich was also good. It came with Monterey Jack cheese, a honey mustard, mayo, pickles, and lettuce on a potato roll. It even came with fries. I’d ordered it quickly, without really looking at the menu. I wished I had ordered the crab rangoon dip or the grilled King Trumpet mushrooms instead. I had been wanting to try those and had forgotten. 

While I ate, I had noticed several people coming in. They seemed to be meeting in the larger hut area. I saw Woody ordering at the bar down aways and then a woman (who I now realize was Laura) offering Christmas cookies to the bartenders. But I didn’t want to barge in and intrude. No one knew me. I was fine by myself.

By the time I’d finished my dinner, golly… I was done with my drink. What next? It was a little before 7 p.m. The happy hour pricing for the Christmas cocktails was still in effect, so I went for the third drink on the menu, the Coquito.

As the menu reads, the Coquito consisted of “Puerto Rican rums, coconut, spices, and more rum.” There was also some cream or milk in it. After my milder first two drinks, the first sip seemed a bit stronger than expected. But I was soon sipping away on this cool, coconut-y wonder. It didn’t last long at all.

I had broken open the bar’s regular menu, which I was surprised to see had gone all space-age, science fiction-y. That was original and different for a tiki bar. (It also helped explain why many of the wall carvings were covered over in shiny, metallic Mylar.) But why not? Tiki is fantasy, after all. Some of the drinks listed in this menu contained things like plum wine, apple brandy, Japanese whiskey. Interesting.

I was asking Carlos for his opinion of the various rum-based cocktails, when this person in a shiny Santa hat walked up next to me and asked if I was a “tiki tourist.” 

I looked at her. It was the woman with the cookies I’d seen earlier. The hat threw me, but then I recognized her as Laura Miller. How nice of her to have spotted me and say hello.

She wanted to know if I wanted to meet her group. I told her I would…as soon as I ordered my next drink. I ended up just going with the Kon-Tiki version of the Zombie. 

Laura led me over to her table and made introductions. I felt comfortable with everyone right away. Woody was there, of course.

I also got to meet Heather, Christian, Bill, and Tim.

We chatted for a bit and then Laura led me back over to the bar and introduced me to a few more of the Oakhana group, Jeff, Bob, and Patrick. I almost felt as if I knew these people already. That’s how friendly and inviting they were.

We talked away. Patrick was telling me about the house he moved into this past summer with a secret tiki bar inside. Woody told me about some of his upcoming projects. Heather, who had been Woody’s roommate when he met Laura, was planning on moving to Kauai in just a few weeks. 

As we sat talking around the table, I noticed the stairs to the right of the bar. I remembered reading something about a V.I.P. Area up there a long while back, possibly (probably) when it had still been Longitude. I asked Laura if she’d ever been up there. She had and asked if I wanted to take a look. She got permission from one of the bartenders and up we went. While it provided a nice overview of the bar below, it wasn’t much of a space and is seldom used. It reminded me of the upper seating area (but much larger) at Smuggler’s Cove in San Francisco.

Back downstairs, my Zombie was gone. I had really planned on leaving by around 7:30 and here it was pushing 9 already. It wasn’t late, but I still had to get to BART and get home. It’d be a long trek back. But I was having such an unexpectedly wonderful time… and I really should try something different from the cosmic cocktail menu, I thought. (I mean, purely for research purposes, of course. Right?)

Carlos had stepped away from the bar and so I met Kris, his co-worker. I asked him about the various rum-based drinks. He said the Lunar Camel was his favorite. Sold!

I don’t know if it was the Zombie that had sent my mind into orbit or the Lunar Camel. I was so involved in such wonderful conversation and meeting such friendly people (I was also introduced to three lovely ladies sitting in the larger hut, but I didn’t get a picture of them or remember to jot down their names.), that I really didn’t pay much attention to either cocktail. I don’t recall what their taste profile was like—other than they were both drinkable and are now history. (Golly, this may require a return visit for more, uh… “research.”)

Finally, as the Oakhana group was thinning out, I paid up and said my goodbyes as well. It had been a charming evening after all. I am ever so grateful that Laura pulled me away from my solitude and took me over to meet her people. They, like the Kon-Tiki itself, were very welcoming and comfortable. 

The Kon-Tiki

347 14^th Street # 3906 

Oakland, CA 94612

(510) 823-2332

http://www.thekon-tiki.com/