THREE DOTS and a DASH and the BAMBOO ROOM. Uh…

Not long ago, I had a chance to go to Chicago! Wow! The Windy City! There is so much to do and see in Chicago; museums, restaurants, landmarks, etc. What was I looking forward to the most? I would finally be able to visit the legendary Three Dots and a Dash! Whoo hoo!

In the weeks leading up to my visit, I checked out the website often. As I was traveling with three other people, I needed to figure out when I could get there. Maybe my friends would want to come? I looked at our agenda and plugged us in on a Thursday evening for drinks and dinner. I made a reservation. (Reservations are strongly advised and run $10 per person.) I also booked us a spot in the Bamboo Room, the bar’s smaller “speakeasy’ for later in the evening. How fun!

We flew in on a Tuesday, arriving in the early evening. Travel days are pretty much a wash. We had nothing planned the rest of the day. However, our hotel was close to the bar. Could we maybe visit it that night as well? As we Uber-ed in from the airport, I looked to see if there were any open reservations available. It was late October, early in the week—yet the place was nearly booked solid. As luck would have it, I scored a place for two just a few hours from then. (Our other two friends were arriving a little later.) How fantastic!

After checking in at the hotel and getting settled in, we headed out. Google Maps led the way. The address of the place may say Clark Street, but the entrance is actually in the alley behind it. 

A security guard/bouncer stood at the entrance, checking IDs. Once you were cleared, you pulled open a door, walked down a short corridor, and turned to face a long stairway (There is apparently no elevator.) leading down to a basement level—all beneath an amazing wall of skulls bathed in blue light. It looked so awesome. I couldn’t wait to experience the place.

At the hostess’ desk, we were told that we’d have to wait a few minutes as our table wasn’t quite ready. That was fine. It gave us a chance to preview the little closet-sized gift shop, Tiki Trove, right there in the small lobby area.

We were eventually seated in a back corner of the bar. It was pretty happening…and on a Tuesday night! Wild. I was prepared to really like this place. And yet, something seemed…a bit off. Was it the obscure disco funk that was playing? The group of middle-aged frat brothers having a reunion (with lots of empty beer bottles) at the next table? The lack of anyone else wearing any sort of aloha wear? I couldn’t put my finger on it.

The bar itself was rather manicured. It was very modern and slick with the décor at a minimum. The fantastic skull wall at the entrance seemed to promise great things, but those promises were dashed by the lack of much of anything décor-wise.

We had been sitting there for a while, when our waitress finally arrived. She was carrying this incredible, smoking sculpture containing two glasses of…something. She apologized for taking so long to come to our table. Apparently our table had been added to her stations and no one had told her. The drinks, presented in the the bar’s iron-tentacled SHOTSapus, were her way of apologizing. How nice…and amazing! (And absolutely delicious. The shots were a concoction of rums, passion fruit, pomegranate, lemon, absinthe, and bitters.)

We went ahead and ordered dinner and drinks. My friend Erich ordered the Vegetarian Pineapple and Sweet Potato Curry (which was served with bell peppers, onions, and coconut rice) and a Painkiller (rum, tangerine, pineapple, and coconut). I had the Moco Loco Burger and the signature Three Dots and a Dash (rums, lime, orange, falernum, and allspice) cocktail. All of it was fairly tasty, but we decided to call it a night after just one round. It had been a long, exhausting travel day, after all.

We did hit the Tiki Trove on the way out. Erich bough himself a fun T-shirt. I got one of the signature mugs, the one depicting the magnificent skull wall entryway. It had been a fairly nice evening and I was looking forward to our return visit later in the week. Yet, as we made our way back to the hotel, there seemed to be something nagging at me about the evening. Something just hadn’t worked for me. But perhaps I was just tired…

The ensuing days were jam-packed with activities. Thursday was no different. After spending a full, glorious day at the astonishing Art Institute of Chicago and an evening of improv at Second City, it was time to return to the bar. Our friend Robin bowed out after Second City. She wasn’t feeling well. I hoped she’d feel better, but also that her absence wouldn’t upset our reservations.

We arrived on time, but again we had to wait for our table. As we stood there, group after group of people came down the stairs hoping for a table. The hostess said there was nothing available and waved them off to the standing room only bar area. As the music came thump-thump-thumping from inside, it occurred to me that these batches of people weren’t tikiphiles or folks looking for a quiet hideaway. The were tourists and Chicago hipsters. Hmm.

We were seated and ordered. Skye, our other friend, wasn’t drinking. It would just be Erich and I again. I had an Aloha Felicia #2 (a cocoa nib-infused rum blend, coconut, pineapple, and lime). Erich opted for the Strawberry Junglebird (various rums, strawberry, macerated Italian red bitter, LBV port, lime and pineapple). We each had the Chilled Corn Salad with Marinated Shrimp for dinner along with a side of Coconut Shrimp. Mmm.

However, as we sat there—music blaring with people who seemed so out of place at a tiki bar—it finally dawned on me. Three Dots and a Dash wasn’t really a tiki bar. Sure, it has tiki cocktails (all nicely presented) and tiki munchies. It even has thatching over the bar. But Three Dots and a Dash was really a nightclub disguised as tiki bar.

We needed to get out of there. We couldn’t have a conversation without shouting. Although we would be early, we asked the hostess if we could move our reservations in the Bamboo Room up a bit. She accommodated us, but we had to sit at the bar. That was fine. At least it would be quieter. 

WhileThree Dots and a Dash is lacking in the décor department, The Bamboo Room isn’t much more interesting inside. And it is small. I counted 10 bar stools and 4 tables for two. 

As I understand it, the Bamboo Room isn’t so much about tiki as it is about uniquely crafted cocktails. That was evident by it having a completely different menu from its parent bar. I dived into the menu and ordered something called a Frappe (rum, a raspberry eau de vie, sherry, lime, pineapple, and a sherry lava flow). It was unusual but interesting. 

As I sat and sipped (oblivious to Skye and Erich who were deep in conversation next to me. I really couldn’t hear them that well.), I perused the menu more thoroughly. Jeepers! There was something called a Royal Clam and another called a Vintage Mai Tai. Both sounded incredibly fab, but… the Royal Clam (which served 2-3 people) was $100 and the Vintage Mai Tai (which served 1) was $800! Zoinks!

For my second cocktail, I went with the Banana Daiquiri 2.0 (white rum blend, lime, clarified banana cordial, and banana snow). The drink was like a fancy-schmancy, glorified sno-cone. A glass goblet of shaved ice was presented along with the cocktail in a clear “banana.” You pour the drink over the ice, where it cools the alcohol and melts the ice. Banana chips accompany it. It was fun.

Someone else ordered something called The Pretty One, which sounded up my alley (rum, pineapple, coconut cream, coconut water, sherry, and toasted coconut). It featured a rather spectacular presentation, too. 

I’d thought about getting one, but it was clear that Erich and Skye were done and wanting to head back to the hotel.

As we left the Bamboo Room, again I had the sense of disappointment. While it was evident that the drinks there were fussily created, there was also the nagging sensation that, for the most part, the allure of the cocktails had been the gimmicks they were presented in and not the drinks themselves. (Don’t get me wrong, I’m a SUCKER for and LOVE a good gimmick. Novelty aside, the drinks were kind of, well… odd.)

I didn’t hate Three Dots and a Dash or Bamboo Room. If they were near me, I’d go…occasionally. Maybe. I just didn’t feel they lived up to the hype—by a long shot. They also seem to be confused as to what they are.

Three Dots and a Dash is Morse code for “Victory.” It’s also the name of a cocktail that Don the Beachcomber came up with to celebrate the soldiers returning from World War II. While the bar may be sleek and popular, it just… didn’t work for me. The only victory I saw was that of the owners getting people to come in thinking they’d found the ultimate tiki bar. They haven’t. 

Three Dots and a Dash / Bamboo Room

435 N. Clark St.

Chicago, Il. 60654

(312) 610-4220

www.threedotschicago.com